August Tuesday
Things got off to a flying start today when there was a major wreck on I-twelve west bound that is still making traffic horrible after 10am and you can bet that the excessive heat warning that we got today is being matched in all the cars stuck in the traffic jam caused by two big trucks. The temp today is to be 102 and the heat index is to be 117. How's that for the dog days of summer? Our Scotties are staying inside where it is cool and they only go out the Scottie door to just give a minimum barking performance. I think they have the right idea; best be careful in this heat.

There is another country song in which the lyrics have been helpful in maintaining my mental gyroscope. The chorus goes like this:
Let it rain Let it snow
Let the cold north winds blow
Just as long as you love me.

This chorus makes a fundamental statement about life; regardless of the good time, we are all going to have times when it rains and snows and the cold winds blow. And that kind of weather change can knock us down and spin us around. It can turn out to be downright unpleasant; hard to take even. But it can go a lot better for us if we have someone to just as long as you love me. Love really helps and it can often make a big positive difference. Life will find a way to use us and abuse us, but we can take it and make it just as long as you love me. The second part of the chorus is this.
North or south,
East or west,
You help me stand the test,
Just as long as you love me.

What happens to us in life is hard to control. We can make the best choices we can and still have fate fall all over us and take us to a place we did not wish to go. But we get there and there can be a real test. And there are the yous in our lives that can really help us stand the test that the winds of outrageous fortune send our way. There is magic in that line; you help me stand the test. I attempt to be that for those I love and they make that same effort for me. And when the double twins of depression and despair are pounding on you, that you who helps you stand the test makes all the difference. And the love given in that standing of the test is what gives us our passing test. The test can be endured and passes if we are fortunate enough to have those some ones; those yous who help us stand the test. I daily give thanks for those yous who help with the test I am attempting to stand. Here's to standing the test, and thanks to all of those who attempt to be the you who help someone stand their test.

There is another song that has something to say about all this and it comes from the Muppets. In fact, it comes from a song sung by Kermit the frog. I bet you know the one I'm thinking about. Kermit sings about what it is like to be a frog and a green one at that.

It isn’t easy being green; Having to spend each day the color of leaves, when I think it could be nicer being red, yellow or gold. Something much more colorful like that. It’s not easy being green; it seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things. And people tend to pass you over because you are not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky. But green is the color of spring; green can be cool and friendly like and green can be big like an ocean or important like a mountain or tall like a tree. When green is all there is to be it can make you wonder why. But why wonder. Why wonder. I'm green and it will do fine; And I think it is what I want to be.

Kermit is struggling with what all of us struggle with sometimes. Kermit is saying that sometimes it isn’t easy being me; it isn’t easy being a green frog when there are many other flashy things to be. It is so ordinary being green and everyone knows that frogs simply can't pass as pretty; in fact, they can often seem droopy and ugly. Kermit is saying that it is simply hard, at times, to be Kermit. It just isn’t easy being me.

It isn’t easy being divorced after you’ve been married for what seems a lifetime; it isn’t easy being the parents who discover their son in his backyard after taking his life; it isn’t easy being parents who watch and worry as a child gives his life and energy to drugs; it isn’t easy being blind; it isn’t easy being a caretaker; it isn’t easy having cancer and worrying about it. For all of us there are simply those times when we say it isn’t easy being me. We would like to be golden, flashy, confident, chosen, and tranquil. Yet we know, like Kermit that being green is sometimes necessary. Kermit is engaged in a real struggle; there is no Pollyanna answer here; he has to work at it. And he says being green can be cool; it can be important like an ocean or tall like a tree.

So why wonder if you are green; why wonder. I am green; and I think that is what I want to be. Kermit finds a way to accept being green; it is not an easy acceptance but he wants to stop wondering why. Why wonder; I'm green and I think that is what I want to be. We can get trapped in our own version of greenness, just like Kermit. And like Kermit we must find a way to be who we are, to accept our version of being green.

WE too have to say, why wonder; why wonder. I'm green and I think that is what I want to be. How do we pass the green test? When the cold north winds blow, how do we make it. Just as long as you love me, that is how. North or south, east or west, you help me stand the test, just as long as you love me.

I have found a trinity that helps me stand the test. I call it the trinity of the faith, family and friends. The love that is possible in this trinity helps all of us stand the test that life will throw at us. The first f is the love found in faith. All of us need moments of illumination, some highlights in our Christian life. We can get a reminder of the church that sustains us in our pilgrimage through life. We are a branch springing from the vine upon which we depend, from which we derive our power to be open to the nourishment of faith and the love in that faith. When Jesus tells us that he is the vine and we are the branches, he is telling us that we are not isolated beings adrift in a stormy world, each of us trying to find some passing gust of grace, some spiritual jet stream, as we try to keep our faith alive. We are not like the leaves of autumn being snatched from the tree to be blown in all kinds of directions. We are members of the great family of Christ, in that great company of his church in heaven and in earth deriving our strength of body, mind and spirit from his grace right to the end of time. Why wonder; why wonder.

Family is the second f in the trinity. The love that is given in caretaking an old blind man is truly wonderful. When things get a little rough then a call comes from Eleanor or Kathryn, just checking in to see what condition our condition is in. A touch on the shoulder, an encouraging word, a shared moment of foolishness or tenderness helps to keep the demons away. I give thanks for a family that shares love with me so generously. That helps me stand the test of this blindness.

Friends are the third f of the trinity. I have friends that call, send "hang on snoopy" cards in the mail; come by and visit; call or write and seemingly just at the time when there is a low point. That friend, that gift of love from a friend helps me stand the test. I hope this kind of trinity is active in your life; I highly recommend it. Thanks to the you all group for being friends that listen and contact me. It helps me stand the test. Thank you for helping me stand.

July 31, 2010 - Hello to August
Today is the last day of July and it will end with a flame. The temp today is to be above one hundred and the heat index even higher; nothing like starting August with all the burners lit. I guess the advice for today is to stay calm. Hope we can do it. I have heard from a number of friends this week and it seems that most of them and myself have been dealing with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that goes along with simply being alive and making our attempts to live meaningfully in this process called life. I have found that for me a few lines from two country songs can help me get a grip when I feel that I am losing my grip. Here is the first that I enjoy. It is about trains and railroad crossings; we have much difficulty with them in this state.

When the gates are all down
And the lights are all flashing
And the whistle is blowing in vain;
If you stay on the tracks Ignoring the facts, then don’t blame the wreck on the train.

I have found that I am in a continuous process of moving from blind grief to blind faith; I have also noticed that I have needed to assign meanings to the individual letters in order to help myself through the bad or down days. I started with grief and the g stand for my making sure to grasp the reality of my situation. I am now blind and it seems that will be my lot until I reach the check out counter for this life. Grasp the reality of the situation is identified in the song lyrics above. If I ignore the facts of my situation by disregarding the gates being down, the lights all flashing and the whistle blowing in vain; then if I continue to not do what is necessary to live in my new reality, then I can’t blame what happens to my faith and attitude if I don’t get off the tracks.

I must live and cope with the world as a blind person and I must do that with all the ability that this seventy one year old man has left. To grieve for the past will only leave me embittered and being a pain to be around. I will simply not do that; I will get off the tracks and out of the way of the emotional train wreck that would be if I don’t grasp and live by the new reality of my life. I repeat those lyrics when I am feeling down and blue and admonish myself to get off the tracks and out of the way. It really helps me to do that.

I even have installed a three trumpet Union Pacific diesel road horn on the east side of my house and have the air compressor and indoor button so that I can blow the horn in order to remind me to get off the tracks and to get on with living. It is really a nice, loud horn and it works wonders for me. So here’s to all of us grasping the reality of our life situations and living them as best we can on a day-by-day basis. I also have another set of lyrics that I use and I will send them along in a later email. Hope that you all have a great weekend.

July 25, 2010
I didn’t sleep all that well last night so I am getting off an early email to group you all. I heard on the radio that the last quarter and the month of June have been the warmest world wide since weather history has been recorded. I know that we in the heat and humidity belt have noticed that the summer has been really cooking. I am convinced that something is going on but don’t know where to locate the cause. I am sure that we humans have something to do with it but surely not all. I am amazed that we have so many environmental groups that stymie any effort to move to new generating plants, oppose nuclear energy when even the rest of the world we call or they call unenlightened have and are moving to it. We will eventually be made to do some of those things because we will not have any choice but to make some needed changes in order to have electricity or energy. Coal and oil can’t be left behind until we develop a new way or choose to use nuclear and really make it safe. That will not come in my lifetime because the green heads will not stop using courts to inhibit any development. But Mother Nature will move us to having to do something. I wish we could be more enlightened in our discussion and plans for moving in new directions that will help Mother Earth correct what is ailing her. Part of this is a cycle that is present in the universe and one we cannot control. It will be what it will be regardless of what we do. But we can do something that is a reasonable response and is well planned and thought out. I just hope we don’t wait until a major crisis looming before us is the only thing that activates us to choose a new path on our own. Yet I can only do what I can do and much of my energy is being used by our situation of living out what time we have left with something that resembles grace and dignity. If we can do that and still make some small contribution to life around us then we will be doing the best we can at this point in our life. I can choose to do the best I can today; then I can make that same choice tomorrow. My efforts and results may vary day by day, but I can make sure that it is the best I can do that day. In reality, that is all we can do; but I don’t want to settle for not doing the best I can that day. I have my meditation ready for church this morning and I will now start getting ready for crossing the river and doing the worship for another Sunday. Hope you get to worship as well. Talk to you later.

July 24, 2010
Today is Saturday and it looks like Bonnie is going to lose steam and not knock things around as feared. It will still cause some trouble but the boats have been allowed to return to the Gulf and start doing again. So far what a relief. Maybe we will get that well plugged before a real storm shows up. Here’s to hope. I don’t want to pass this day without attempting some sort of communication. This week has been full of symbols signaling that things are changing. Anita just returned from Colorado where our cabin was prepared for sale, things were cleaned up and gathered, and the cabin signed up for a Realty company to attempt sale. It marks a passing of the guard for us and shows that this God given process called life is moving along like it is designed to do. Life is a series of losses that begins at birth and continues right along as our losses mount up and we make our attempts to cope and understand. Life demands that we learn its rhythm of dance and learn to dance with it. There is that time for all seasons and all things and we live best when we discover the rhythm of life that best applies to us. Selling the cabin and knowing that the mountain visits are over for us is a part of learning to dance to life’s calling a different tune. We must find the rhythm and adjust to it. That sounds easy and simple, but it is neither. Following the bouncing ball can be demanding at times. There is no Pollyanna attitude that will adequately cover the changes that come at us as the river of life flows and takes us with it. Paddling upstream in that river just can’t be done. To go with the flow is to know where you are and to know what dance step is now being required. I hope that we can hear the tune, find the rhythm and dance as well as we can to the life music being played in our lives. I will take a break now and send a continuation of this later today. Until.

July 23, 2010
I have been caught in my own Tropical Depression and have not done much or any writing. I am now thinking that it is time to reconnect. I will send something additional today or tomorrow and will discipline myself to try for something each day, even if it is just a worn-out paragraph from a searching spirit. Hope this find s you all in a good place; I plan to search out and build a good place too. Listen for the blowing wind.

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